Wednesday, June 4, 2008

It's not about me.

I should be going to the hospital five months from now and bringing home another healthy baby....I should not have gone to the hospital yesterday.

I should have signed a circumcision/no circumcision form at the hospital....I should not have signed a consent to empty the contents of my womb.

I should be shopping for maternity clothes right now....I should not be wondering what in the world I'm going to wear now to make me not look pregnant.

I should be finding out if the baby is a boy or girl and picking out a name in just two weeks....I should not be wondering if my heart will start to heal in the next two weeks.

The probelm with everything I've just said? I, I, I, I.

It's not about me.

I teach my girls on a daily basis that God made us and all things FOR HIS GLORY. If it's all about me, then I am not bringing glory to God.

So I am going to choose to glorify my God by going to Him for comfort and peace. I'm going to glorify God by thanking Him for the tiny life He put inside of me. I thank God for this precious one that I will never meet here on earth. And I will glorify God by relying on His amazing grace while my heart is still broken.



Traci said...

All I can say is I love you and will do anything I can to help.

Thank you for being such a strong example of a believer.

Anonymous said...

Oh Carrie! You know that my heart breaks for you right now! All I can do is think back to when this happened to us the 2nd time. I can't help but to shed some tears for the pain that I know you are feeling right now. You are so right that it's not about us and that God loves our precious babies more than we ever could, but there still is that pain deep within a heart that a mother feels when she looses a child. Please know that I'm thinking about and praying for you guys! Please don't hesitate to call me if you need to talk!


The Anderson Zoo said...

I don't know you and I am really not sure how I came across your blog. I am so sorry about your loss. I personally do not know your pain but have a precious and dear friend who has lost 3 babies. My heart is aching with you and I know God will show Himself faithful to you. He is a good God. I will be praying for you and your family during this time. Your perspective is such an encouragement to me.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

Still thinking of and keeping you in my prayers...

Mamarazzi said...

you are still in my prayers.

KC said...

Oh Carrie.. My heart breaks for you at this time.. It has been 4 years and 2 months since God took my sweet baby home to be with him.. and like you I had all those I should be thought, but I found resting in Jesus letting Him bring you peace is the only way to get though this.. Thanking God for those 13 weeks he gave me with that sweet tiny life growing in me and in time learning to thank Him and praise him for working His Will in my life by taking the baby.. We can't see it while we are going though the pain.. but what a Joy to know that He wants what is best for us, He knows what is best even when we can't see it. There is forever a spot in my heart where my baby will always be.
There is part in the song Glory Baby That says
"Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…"

Hang on to Jesus, Rest in Him, Find Peace in our Lord.. and one day when you least expect it you will find yourself smiling again.. even though it feels now like a smile is somthing of the past.. The pain starts to slowing go away, but the Love will always be there..

Totallyscrappy said...

I'm so sorry. I've experienced two miscarriages and the loss can be so overwhelming.
May you continue to praise the Creator while He heals you.
Many prayers for you and your family.