Saturday, May 31, 2008

My God is still God...

...and He's holding me right now.

We found out yesterday that our baby died about five or six weeks ago.

I find myself in a place of grief that I've never been before. I've had some "God, you suck" moments, some sobbing moments, and some numb moments in the last 24 hours. It hurts, but I really am ok. Like I said, my God is still God and He loved my baby (even more than I did) from the very start.

Through my tears, I'll ask that you please pray for me and my family as we sort through the emotions of losing this precious tiny one.



Anonymous said...

First and foremost, know that each of you are constantly in our prayers right now.

Secondly, I commend you for worshipping God through the pain. Some of the things we go through in this life are so very hard to understand...but God's love for us is unconditional and we must learn to love Him that way too. It's not easy but I can say this--some of the sweetest moments of worship in my life have come when I am worshipping God despite the deepest pain.

We love you guys.

leigh said...

I've been lurking here for awhile but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry.

Mamarazzi said...

oh Carrie. my heart is breaking for you and your family right now. i KNOW the pain of this kind of loss. please know that you and your family are in my prayers. your strength right now amazes and impresses me. allow yourself to be held by God and anyone else with arms wide open.

i am so sorry.

i am here, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

clementsfabfive said...

oh Carrie, there are no words at a time like this. My heart breaks with you. I know first hand this kind of loss, and I know how hurtful and hard it can be to understand the ways of God at times. "Praise you in the Storm" by Casting Crowns became my anthem during one of the darkest days of my life. God held me so close and taught me so much during that time. I know he'll do the same for you. All of you are in our prayers and if there is anything at all I can do please call me.
Much love
Brand & family

Hannah said...


Lesley said...

Our family is praying for you family. My heart is just broken, but 'His ways are higher than our ways.'

Mary Kate said...

oh carrie... i am sad with you for this loss. we will pray for your family as you walk through this. as we have walked through difficult things that didn't make sense to us i always go back to isaiah 55:8-9 that reminds us that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. God is not surprised by this news, we will pray that you continue to trust His judgement.

not up to code said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and PJ.

Jessica said...

Oh, Carrie! I know this pain all too well and I will be praying for you and Phil and the girls! My heart just breaks for you, but I know that your faith will get you through it! Love you guys!

Sharon Harrison said...

Oh sweet Carrie...I am so sorry. I am praying for you, Philip and your precious girls. Proverbs 3:5,6 has brought me so much comfort in rough times...Love you so much.

peaknits said...

I can't help but think of "Footprints" at moments like these - only one set of footprints in the sand right now - as God will carry you and your family through this sad time. Take care and know so many of us are praying for you.

Sileena said...

I can say I've been there. Exactly where you are and I know exactly what this feels like but I know that won't change the pain.
I cry for you right now for so many reasons and I pray you feel His comforting presence in your darkest moments.
Hold those babies close my friend.

Anonymous said...

O come and mourn with me awhile
O come near to the Savior's side
O come together, let us mourn
Jesus our Lord is crucified

Seven times He spoke
Seven words of love
And all three hours His silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men
Jesus our Lord is crucified

O love of God, O sin of man
In this dread act your strength is tried
And victory remains with love
Jesus our Lord is crucified

O break, O break hard heart of mine
My weak self-love and guilty pride
His Pilate and His Judas were
Jesus our Lord is Crucified

O love of God, O sin of man
In this dread act your strength is tried
And victory remains with Love
Jesus our Lord is crucified

O come and mourn with awhile

A broken heart, a fount of tears
Ask and they will not be denied
A broken heart love's cradle is
Jesus our Lord is crucified
Jesus our Lord is crucified
Jesus our Lord is crucified
Our Lord is crucified

And victory remains with love
Jesus our Lord is crucified

O love of God, O sin of man
In this dread act your strength is tried
And victory remains with love
Jesus our Lord is crucified

Anonymous said...

A broken heart love's cradle is...

How can we handle living a life that is bigger than we are? The words, "Be still and know" come to mind, but even kids understand that being still and not doing can be the hardest thing to do. We've all heard it said that there's a restlessness in our spirits to be human doings rather than human beings, and I guess that's what makes it hard to accept when life is not so ideal.

But I guess what I've been learning is that I am most still when: 1—The way I spend my time lines up with higher values; 2—I realize that Sovereignty is always at work; 3—and most importantly, I realize that even when I myself am not so ideal, and the way I spend my time does not line up with higher values, Sovereignty is still at work.

Now that’s peace...


~Amber~ said...

I am so sorry hun. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!

Jenni said...


I'm so sorry. I know how it feels. The song "Blessed be Your name" carried me through two miscarriages, and it still comes to mind at times like these.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jenni at One Thing

Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry!
I pray that God will give you and your family strength, comfort, courage and peace. Hugs coming to you from our family.


I stumbled on your blog some time ago and have enjoyed following the antics of your family and the girls. As a grandparent of 4 girls, I can truly relate to many of the events you have been experiencing. I had planned to remain quietly in the background, but this blog touched me to tears. I experienced the pain of losing two girls when they were infants so although I can say that I know what you are going through, the truth is that no one can share your hurt as accurately as the Lord. I commend you, praise you and admire your faith. We may not know His plans, but whatever He has in store for you, praise and glorify Jesus name. May God bless you and your family.

KC said...

OH Carrie, My heart is breaking for you and your family right now. I know the pain of loseing a baby like that, it was the hardest thing I had ever been though in my life, If it wasn't for God holding me so close to Him, I wouldn't have been able to even open my eye or take a breath. During time I learned to lean on God so much, He taught me so much, His strong arms carried me though. The one song that I kept siging though my tears was God will make a way.
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
another song you might want to hear a little later on is called Glory Baby by watermark..
I know there are no words out there I can say to you at this time.. but I am praying for you and your family.. I know this loss can also be hard for the older kids or at least it was on mine.. If ever need to talk at all, I'm here my email is listed on my about me page.

ginny said...

I'm so sorry, Carrie. I'm praying.

AutumnFawn said...

I, too, know the pain of miscarriage. I pray you will find peace in the midst of this trial.

MTW said...

I'm a lurker...but I wanted to let you know I am praying for you during this heart-wrenching time.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

Oh I am so, so very sorry. I know firsthand that there aren't really any words that can help take away the pain of your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I found your blog through another and have been reading it intermittently. I am so sorry for you loss, and will be praying for you.
So very sorry,
~Bellevue member in Memphis

MaryMartha said...

We have some mutual friends and I just had to tell you I understand what your thinking and feeling!
I'm so sorry!
Someone gave me a great book and I pass it along to all my friends who are grieving a loss of a precious little one!
Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt
The title STINKS...but it really helped me deal with my loss and know what to expect.
You can read all about my story on the blog...sometime end Nov. post in 2007